Negative Thoughts Keeping You Awake? Try This to Quiet Your Mind

Chatterbox: Does this sound familiar? You throw a great dinner party, but the next day you find yourself worrying that no one else had a good time. Psychologist Ethan Kross dubs this “chatter”: cyclical negative thoughts that turn self-reflection into self-torment. When we’re in the throes of these cycles it can feel hard to pull ourselves out — but Kross has one simple technique that research proves actually works: distanced self talk.

The Benefits: Studies have shown distanced self-talk can work when you create psychological distance from an experience. Instead of asking: “Why am I so anxious?” ask yourself questions in the third person — “Why is Ethan so anxious?” — and answer as you would for a friend. That small adjustment allows you to separate yourself enough to reflect. Research has found it reduces emotional reactivity in stressful situations, like performance reviews at work or ruminating over what you said when you ran into your ex last week.

How to Do It: Next time your worries keep you up until 2 a.m., try talking through it in third person. Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to your best friend when they need advice. It may feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but creating that distance is key. Want more tips like this to combat “chatter”? We recommend this book.