You’re Probably Underestimating Your Own Attractiveness

Hey, Cutie: If you’ve ever stressed about not being thin enough or muscular enough (or anything enough), this may be reassuring: new research suggests men and women are often wrong about what the other actually finds attractive. 

The Study: Researchers at the University of St. Andrews in the U.K. asked 169 men and women to describe what they personally found most attractive in the opposite sex, as well as what they believed the opposite sex preferred. Women tended to overestimate how much men value thinness. Men, meanwhile, overestimated how much women prioritize muscular builds. In reality, both groups’ preferences were more moderate than assumed. 

The Takeaway: We’re often harder on ourselves than potential partners are. If you’re sculpting your body — or criticizing it — based on what you think others want, you may be working from a false script (and potentially setting yourself up for mental distress). Based on this research, you can worry less about meeting unrealistic standards and focus more on what feels healthy and authentic for you.

What to Know: This research focuses on heterosexual attraction (all study participants were cisgender and heterosexual) and body type, not personality, confidence, or other traits that heavily shape real-world attraction.