How to Bring Up a Pet Peeve Without Starting a Fight

Little Big Problems: This one is for all of the avoidant people pleasers out there trying to thrive in a relationship. Letting pet peeves go unaddressed might feel easier in the moment when you’re one half of a couple, but avoiding them tends to push the tension underground, where it hardens into resentment. And it will find a way to get out sooner or later.

How to Do It: Before you bring something up, be honest with yourself about what the issue is and what you want from the conversation. Timing is also of the utmost importance for delicate conversations, so wait for a moment when neither of you feels tired or distracted. Then lead with how you feel rather than what your partner did, and frame it as something you want to figure out together.

The Benefits: Couples who can talk about small things tend to stay more connected, and that connection is kind of the whole point of being in a relationship. Even completely unresolvable differences can be managed with curiosity instead of contempt. Above all, don’t try to fix your partner. Instead, the goal is to feel a little less alone in stewing about the thing that’s bothering you.