How to Know What You Really Want

Pursuit of Happiness: Many of us spend years chasing goals we assume will make us happy — money, status, achievement. But according to philosopher René Girard, our desires are often shaped by the people around us. We want things because others want them. At a time when happiness among young Americans appears to be declining, understanding the difference between authentic desires and borrowed ones is more important than ever.

How to Do It: The first step is to pause before pursuing a goal — or a purchase — and ask: Where did this desire come from? If no one else valued it, would it still appeal to you? Pay attention to moments when envy, comparison, or social pressure spark a new desire. It can also help to imagine your life without an audience — would you still make the same choices if nobody knew about them?

The Benefits: Research consistently shows that people experience greater well-being when their actions align with their personal values rather than external expectations. By identifying which desires genuinely belong to you, you may spend less time chasing someone else’s definition of success and more time building a life that feels satisfying on your own terms.