How to Have a Difficult Conversation

Talk It Out: We all dread hearing these four little words: “We need to talk.” Difficult conversations aren’t fun, whether they’re with a supervisor or colleague, friend or romantic partner, or neighbor or family member. They may be necessary and unavoidable, but broaching a tough topic often entails saying things that people don’t want to hear. Done right, though, a difficult conversation can open up a world of understanding — and improve the relationship.

How to Do It: Before initiating a tough conversation, think about the core issue to keep it focused. Give the person a head’s up beforehand with an idea of what you need to talk about. Choose an appropriate time and place — in person is best. If eye contact feels like too much, sit side by side. Start the conversation with empathy to form common ground. At the end, thank them for talking with you. If the problem hasn’t been resolved, emphasize that you want to work it out alongside them.

The Benefits: Honesty can be hard, but it’s a vital component to good personal and professional relationships. It builds trust, authenticity, and security. Part of honesty is also being honest with yourself and reflecting on the conversation, what role you’ve played in the issue, and what you can do to improve it.